I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
