it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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