Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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