A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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