I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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