Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
