so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
