I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
