It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
