There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
