Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(909): View more from California

I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?

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(801): View more from Utah

Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.

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(573): View more from Missouri

Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12

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(903): View more from Texas

He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.

(410): View more from Maryland

Sounds like a normal friday night

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(949): View more from California

Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke

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(630): View more from Illinois

I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.

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(727): View more from Florida

It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.

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