omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
