i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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