I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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