Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
