Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize