How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize