So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
