My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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