You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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