I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
