so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
