I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
