either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
