Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
