ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
