I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
