she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize