I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
