So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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