I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
