he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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