Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
