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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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