thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Kiss
Puke
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Randomize
