Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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