she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
40s are totally the cure
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I love you. Go after that dick
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
