Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
