she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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