Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
