last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
