she was so not down for the gang bang
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dicks are not precious.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
