yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
