we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
