woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
