Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
well you can't waste a boner
time to smoke my breakfast
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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