i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
