Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
