I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
