I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
