I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize