Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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