Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
