there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
