My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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