I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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