Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
