I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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