I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
