Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
