i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
