I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
