we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
