I am spending my child support on dildos
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
