Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
