made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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